RUN FORREST!!!!!

Running. I heard a comedian comment about runners, he said "nobody likes 'em, they're all skinny and in great shape!" George Carlin said "running isn't a sport, ruuning is a way to get someplace faster than walking". Running for me has always been painfull, maybe because I do it so infrequently, or perhaps because it shakes loose the 30 extra pounds on my gut like jello in a baggie. The Missus and I volunteered to help at the registration for Burlington's Bridge Run on Saturday, all we had to do was hand out pre-registered packets to the racers (and listen to the inevitable jock-snots whine about everything from the free tee-shirt size to the course itself, I think every race promoter wonders why these types of people even show up if not to flap their gums and bitch). For our efforts we scored a free entry into the race WOO HOO! There is NO WAY I'd run six miles unless a Grizzley was behind me, or maybe if a passle of Bigfoots attack me at night in the woods and steal my bike, so we both opted for the 2.2 mile version, and I can tell you the last YEAR in which I've run farther than 1 mile was 2004. Be that as it may, my only goal was to RUN the entire 2.2 miles, even going up snake alley or into the 35 mile per hour sustained headwind on the return across the bridge, I would continue to do my best impression of a "run". At the 1 mile mark they were yelling out the times, my first mile? 11 minutes, 26 seconds. DUDE, at that pace I could complete in under a half hour! So across the bridge we go with the wind at our backs, not too bad at the turn, the REAL runners will continue on to get their six.("not I" said the sly Fox) I drafted a 70 year old guy I caught on the bridge while we were buffeted by the killer headwindn, and once we passed the middle of the bridge and were on the downhill side, I hit the gas and passed him! (I'm so ashamed) Anyway, I finished at 25 minutes and 9 seconds, well under the half hour I had thought it would take me. I must confess my running shoes were purchased sometime in the last century, if memory serves 1998. They look brand new, but my feet are fatter or something cause they don't fit very well. My toes hurt, my thighs are mush, and every time I sit down now I wonder if they will support my weight when I stand again. I may have even had a little fun...running.

Dirty little secrets...

Santa Cruz Blur XC Carbon...BIKEGASM!!! 4.4 lbs total The secret is I really don't know jack when it comes to bike mechanics, so nows the time to learn. A thank you goes out to my LBS for loaning me some tools I don't have. Is it bad when theres parts left over? Almost done, "Mr. T" to the rescue, cause I didn't want to even attempt shift cables. I got NO skilz! Thank you SIR! He then went on to diagnose that my rear wheel is ready to split in half and handed me a spoke wrench. *gulp* Old and new. New bike is 24 lbs. total. That might not sound so great but its two lbs. lighter than before and I'm running a list of heavier albeit stronger components. (read cheaper to replace as well) XTR cassettes last about 9 months before the teeth are gone and at 300 bucks a pop FUGETABOUTIT. If I was REALLY worried about weight I'd consider dropping a few LBS. off MY enlarged rear end, and thats basically free. Dirty secret number two? I have NOT been able to ride my new bike more than 20 feet due to work and friggin rain. I'm almost insane...in the membrane...insane in th...well you understand.

Its not the years, its the mileage

I'll be saying goodbye to an old and very dear friend next week. In 2001 TREK introduced the FUEL full suspension bike to be had in different groupo combo's, at the time I bought the middle of the pack FUEL 90. My first real bike in almost 20 years. And what an awesome bike, it made me a rider again, it compelled me to actually RACE and compete in a very tough sport. It has transformed my body and spirit, like a lever action RED-RYDER BB gun at Christmas, I dreamed about XC greatness, and when I'm not riding it faithfully I can feel it in my soul. The only component left from the original bike I bought in 2001 was the seat post, and only then because it has permanently welded itself inside the carbon seat tube on my current frame. Too many high powered car washes I guess (always keep your shaft greased they say). TREK has been kind to me as well, as I have broken two main triangles in both aluminum and carbon and two swing arms, I've replaced them with the latest TREK had to offer, primarily SEXY carbon fiber goodies. Three front shocks, two frame shocks, six seats, four handle bar and grip combos, five different cranks, six cassettes, two sets of shifters, brakes, and God knows how many tires filled with GALLONS of STANS. But alas, TREK can not undo what almost 20,000 miles of abuse has wrought on ten year old full suspension swing arm technology, EVERY pivot point on this bike is wallowed out in both the frame and swing-arm, almost every stress point is now showing little stress fractures where the top coat of carbon weave is flaking off. If I turn left, the back half of my bike now leans right, creaking and groaning with the strain. There are literally coke can shims installed to take up the slack on the main pivot, whose slide bushings long ago have joined together and eaten into the aluminum inserts on the main triangle. Where today they use sealed cartridge bearings, ten years ago TREK used plastic bushings (I've replaced them all at least five times that I can remember). I've had first place finishes and last places finishes, I've pulled off some amazing saves and had some absolutely horrendous wrecks. This bike has been ridden in the mountains, in the desert, fast, slow, dry, sloppy, cold, hot and every condition in between, and I'm guessing over 1,000 laps (at least) of Dehn's woods. It has earned its retirement and then some, but I've said before I am a predictable creature of habit and change is something I despise so this frame will remain on my wall not as merely a bike, but as an example of real art, a sculpture formed in carbon from yesteryear...Next week Mr. FED-EX should be delivering a replacement frame from a different manufacturer, we'll see how much bike tech. has changed in a decade, cause its got some mighty big shoes to fill...Stay tuned.

Tranquility

M I S S I S S I P P I spells relaxation

And just what do YOU do?

Its a question I've had to answer before. If you've ever experienced the joy of interviewing for the job you already have you'll know what I'm talking about. In our current economic climate its to be expected I guess, but the first one was a surreal nightmare. I have the feeling I'm going to do it all over again next week so I thought I'd have a little fun with it. Feel free to help me edit the following job description, I look forward to any helpful comments or constructive criticism(s). Lets see...At any given time I may be occupied with customer service, engineering, reception, purchasing, selling, quality, psychiatry, truancy, discipline, training or buying outdoor crap off e-bay. I administer pay, I dock pay. Simultaneously understanding and overpowering, I could be delivering or driving, directing or designing, decreeing or deciding, debating or denying, detached, engaged, enraged, enlightened, enthused or completely oblivious to everything or anyone within the building. I talk fast, I work fast, I take my time, I hurry up, and yes once in awhile yes means no and vice versa. I'm a communicator, a fabricator, a moderator and prognosticator, pliable, rigid and open to suggestion know matter how stupid it sounds. I program, promise, pander, push, plead, parade, parlay, promote, placate, pacify, provide, plan, and sometimes piss people off. I'm powerful and powerless pivoting on pointless if you'll pardon the pun. I've screwed stuff in, I've screwed stuff out, down and definitely up, at the very least I'm consistent. I'm grounded on a high perch. I have to sense the senseless, help the hopeless, guide the godless, buy the worthless, live off the kindness, and even use the useless if absolutely necessary. I'm all about safety too, don't stick your other hand in the machinery "Lefty", do not use a fork in the toaster "Electra", right foot gas, right foot brake, its the same one right? Watch your step, look up and live, look out below. Keep an eye out really doesn't mean that. The life you save may be your own, buckle up, lock out tag out unless of course we need it. Poison will poison you even if its only a little poisonous, don't play Russian roulette during break time; especially with an auto-loader, please don't stare at the arc welder, pretend that was your head, what do you mean what do I mean pretend? Band-aids may not staunch arterial bleeding. I have the equivalent of, and the experience to get certified as an MD, PHD, CPR, FR, CIA, SPC, ESQ, RX, DOT, USDA, OSHA, SAE, BBC, MSNBC, XP, MP, VD, BFD, WTF, and OMFG put together(LOL). As you have already surmised I truly am a unique individual just like everybody else, and I am the perfect candidate for my own position, and I can assure you this paradigm of behaviour will continue throughout my tenure, if you so choose to keep me in your employ. P.S. Wheres my bone-us?

The more things change...

The more they stay the same? Not really, If I said I've ridden a total of 200 miles since January 1st 2009 it would normally be out of character for a "cyclist" of my caliber (rrrrrright). But it is a true statement; however, 170 of those miles have been put on in the last 6 days, and its not too terribly hard to imagine how out of shape I am. Sure my legs are a little sore, yeah I have no endurance yet, but what I was NOT prepared for is HOW MUCH MY ASS HURTS. Every bump in the road has become a new level of pain. I'll never take for granted that saddle time is not just how far or fast you can go, there is also an ass-time-build-up-to-it factor involved. I may (will) be wearing TWO pairs of bib shorts for this weekends riding. Obviously This is the first year I can remember being so attached to winter snow and boarding, I can ride a bike regardless of the weather so there isn't an abrupt "end" to my cycling season. Spring temps. in the 70's and rain ended my Snowboarding period-point-blank. This sort of instant change in my schedule is not something an OCD'd creature of habit like myself tolerates very well, kinda like a polar bear without ice, I can't adapt to my new enviroment without a certain amount of crankieness...No wonder Bears get pissed and eat people from time to time. I've been accused of changing sports or activities too often. But I really think if I had the $$$$$$$$, I'd chase winter all the way to the southern hemisphere in search of powder. The flip side is some of my left, and ALL of my right rotator cuff(s) in my shoulder sockets are shredded beyond healing, maybe a couple of months away from slamming my old body into the ground would help this situation...naw!

Cross Training...maybe?

Welcome to Monarch Mountain Colorado! The temp. is a balmy 50 degrees and its a KAVU day, Klear above, view unlimited, add in runs that approach a mile in length and SEND IT!...I'm thinking about dusting off my bike someday but right now I'm PRAYING for more snow and cold. A perfect February get-a-way. This is near the top of Monarch's "K2 organic terrain park", about three hundred yards of 45 degree slope into a 25' tall kicker. It took me three times just riding by it before I actually had the nerve to hit this jump, the first time I almost didn't have enough speed to make it up the verticle wall. After a couple of succesfull hits, I had to quit because the Ski patrol was evac-ing an injured skier, kinda sobering but this thing was too good to pass on. Also had a buuch of smaller jumps, log rides, rails and various other ways to commit suicide by board and I spent an entire day trying em all, free adrenaline and I escaped with no "major" injuries, SWEET! (edit: I DID bust my ass on a stoopid rail grind, but I healed quick cause all the kiddies were watching, can you say IBUPROPHEN?) Top-o-the world Ma! Things become much clearer at 12,000 feet, hey look, you can see Telluride about 100 miles away! Nary a cornfield in sight either. The Missus and I at the Lodge, three days of solid boarding make your quads SCREAM. I don't know if it translates to riding a bike but I hope it stays winter for a long time.